I studied computer science and have spent my career in technical environments. From the start, I became familiar with what it feels like to be one of very few women in the room, navigating fast-paced discussions where confidence carries real weight. It was in those spaces that I began learning how important it is to ask questions, even when staying quiet feels safer.
Entering the industry did not change that dynamic. From my first role onwards, I continued to work in technical teams where speaking up could feel just as important as having the right answer.
Throughout those years, I carried a quiet doubt many people in tech will recognise.
As a QA engineer, asking questions is central to my role. It means challenging assumptions, thinking about user impact, and identifying risks. These are expected skills, but being expected to ask questions doesn’t make it emotionally easier.
Confidence and presence take time to build, especially early in your career, and learning how to show up in those moments is part of the journey.
When staying quiet feels safer
Still, I often hesitated before speaking up, worried that a question might suggest I had missed something important.
The hesitation showed up in different ways: technical clarifications, challenges to assumptions, questions that felt too basic. Sometimes it was the pace of conversation. More often, it was fear of being misjudged.
Over time, I started to notice a pattern.
The most impactful moments in technical conversations were not driven by who had the most answers, but who asked the questions that helped everyone think more clearly. I also realised that asking questions well, at the right time, in the right way, and with confidence, is something you learn over time.
The biggest shift was realising that questions are not a weakness, they are a contribution.
One change that helped me was becoming more intentional about how I asked questions. I started writing them down first, which gave me confidence, but more importantly, I shifted my focus from solutions to assumptions.
Instead of jumping straight to “how do we build this?”, I began asking questions like “what are we assuming here?” or “what needs to be true for this to work?”.
Gradually, I stopped waiting until I felt completely certain before raising questions. I started asking the questions anyway. More often than I expected, they were the questions other people were thinking too. Over time, this helped me find my space in technical environments and become clearer about how I contribute.
If there is one thing I would share with other women in tech, and with anyone who has ever hesitated to speak up, it is this:
You do not need to have all the answers to belong in the conversation.
Asking thoughtful questions is already a contribution, and it is often how we reach answers together.
